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Get Good at Grammar: Homonyms, and the Weird Shit They Do

I’m not a word doctor, but I am really good at words and want to help you help your words. Just think of me as an unlicensed linguisticologist. Set up an appointment with my receptionist and learn how to do grammar more better.

What the crap are homonyms?

Technically, homonyms are words that are spelled the same and sound the same but mean different things.

  • Noun: “What’s the address for the death cult gathering tonight? I need to pick up my robe from the drycleaners before I get there.”
  • Verb: “If we’re going to play this game, one of us has to die. At least that’s what it says in the rulebook for Monopoly: Murder Camp edition.”
  • Adjective: “I’ve got it! ‘You just bought an express ticket on the pain-train, buddy!’ Perfect! Let the manslaughtering commence!”
  • Verb: “When I rose out of bed this morning, I didn’t expect the stench of a shit-flower sculpture to punch me in the brain. I’m never going to fornicate with my husband again.”
  • Noun: “I swear to God, if that creep comes by here again, I’m going to shove this tulip stalk somewhere he won’t enjoy, like his nose. Or maybe do some butt stuff.”

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