I Know I Don’t Pray To You As Often As I Should, But Please Curate This Story, Medium Curators

I come to you a broken man and an unemployed writer.

All of us lowly Medium writers are aware that you all act in mysterious ways, and that getting one of our stories curated on your glorious platform is a privilege, not a right, and is an occasion that should be celebrated by bringing out our finest meats and cheeses as tribute to said mysterious ways.

However, I have traveled hither and yon to find you to humbly demand that this story, the one you now hold in your holy hands, be given the curation treatment, as I believe that I have a strong case for this request.

In the The Medium Model, your founder, Ev Williams, stated that Medium prioritizes “smart thinking on things that matter.” To that, I say this:

In addition, Ev emphasizes that stories that perform the best on your platform have “a better headline, some nice art, a copy edit.” Here’s how the story you’re reading right now checks the living fuck out of those boxes: