Image for post
Image for post
My house has exit signs, even though they only lead to other rooms in the house.

My Tap Water Looks Like Goat’s Milk, and Other Strange “Features” of My Abode

A lot of you (none of you, actually) have been asking me about what my house is like, trying to get a better understanding of the genius whose work you regularly peruse.

The Kitchen Sinks To One Side As If It’s Drunk On Something Distilled In A Bathtub

Or maybe it was the architect who was drunk on magical good time juice.

There’s A Hippie Commune of Arachnids Living Along My Cheapo Depot Crown Moulding

As someone who’s a bit arachnophobic, this is deeply uncomfortable for me.

My Backyard May Have Been A Pagan Cult Sanctuary

A couple of years ago, my dog dug up a small wooden statue of something that looked vaguely human, except it was way too thin, wore a strange headdress, and had no face.

My House Is Surrounded By An Industrial Wasteland And Now I’m Sterile And Have a Third Eye

I’m not sure exactly what kind of businesses are located around the area, but they all have words like “waste”, “containment”, and “keep out or be shot” pasted on their frontages.

My Tap Water Looks Like Goat’s Milk — Should I Sell It At Farmers Markets?

And of course, the reason you’re all here: the tap water that looks like it should be bottled and sold for exorbitant prices.

Final Thoughts

As you may have guessed, I don’t get many guests at my place.

Written by

I cover art, culture, film, comedy, creativity, books, and more at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store