“The Think Tank” — Why I Get My Best Ideas From Sitting On The Toilet
Learn how to let your inspiration flow like diarrhea with this weird technique.
It’s taken as a matter of course in various artistic circles that analyzing one’s own creative process is a great way to kill it.
I disrespectfully disagree with this notion.
Analysis paralysis is certainly a real threat to productivity, but I view it as a temporary condition, one that any creative practitioner can learn to fight off.
The primary benefit of defining the motivating factors in one’s creative process is the ability to replicate those conditions that are conducive to craftsmanship, especially when one is feeling less than inspired.
And so, I’d like to present to you one my personal founts of literary stimulation:
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I assure you, I’m being quite sober.
Read to find out why the ol’ pisspot is so crucial to my process of creating belles-lettres.
Being On The “Commode of Creativity” Means Less Time Spent Staring At A Blank Screen
Writers know the feeling — gazing at a faceless flat surface and wanting a masterpiece to suddenly appear simply by thinking it, only for that white abyss to do nothing but peer into your fraudulent soul doesn’t exactly get those creative neurons firing.
However, I’ve found that removing myself from my stifling desk and into the hallowed halls of my powder room allows my brain to take a breath from constantly running on the writer’s block treadmill and to just think as if no one’s watching.
And no one IS watching.
Despite what you may have heard on the internet, my brain is NOT an exhibitionist.
There Are No Distractions In The “Outhouse Of Solitude”
Being in the bathroom means being away from such trifles as phones ringing, dogs barking, or milkmen knocking on the door demanding to be paid.
And that means the ol’ thinkin’ bone has a chance to run free, wild, and undisturbed like some sort of intellectual Tasmanian Devil.
When my brain has been unchained, it makes all kinds of crazy connections it normally wouldn’t have were it parked in front of Google Docs. All I have to do is feed it the idea that I’m struggling with, get into the “Thought Squat”, and let it do it’s thing.
Excuse me. I don’t know what to write for my next section and nature’s hollerin’.
I’ll be back in a few minutes with the rest of this article and a cleaned out lower intestinal tract.
Clearer Bowels Lead To Clearer Thinking
Ah, there we go.
Anyway, here’s what I just came up with:
This idea is supported by no scientific evidence whatsoever, but I’m pretty sure I’m objectively correct about it anyway — when stuff leaves your body (e.g. caca), it makes room for other stuff (e.g. ideas for Medium articles, like this one) to enter.
Try it yourself.
Next time you’re wrestling with writer’s block and find yourself pinned down, simply take a sit on your Thought Throne and expel some, uh, biological refuse, and watch the inspiration flow like diarrhea (hehe).
Again, I’ve yet to conduct a scientific analysis into this phenomenon, but the anecdotal evidence is staggering. This blog post should provoke so much interest in the matter (or, rather, “fecal matter” SNORT SNORT CHUCKLE CHUCKLE), that I’m be expecting a call from the Nobel Committee any day now.
There is ample scientific evidence that explains why we get some of our best ideas while in the shower, so why not the toilet?
I know it sounds strange, but since I’ve been working from home for the past several months, I’ve discovered all kinds of weird habits and routines that incite my creative motivation. This blog post, while facetious in nature, is actually pretty true.
Also, I’d like to sarcastically apologize if this was all a little TMI, but since practically EVERYONE writes articles on Medium about the act of writing, I thought I’d make my own shitty (heh) contribution.
Now chug some Ex-Lax and get creating!
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